SUNRISE SALUTATIONS #62: Thank You! More On My Journey & Story | Finding Gratitude In The Mundane
Early Rising Reflections And Downloads For A New Day With Solarah
Today’s “Sunrise Salutation” is being written and posted a little later than usual as I allo my nervous system to decompress, and I soak up these moments of peace and rest. Thank you for your love and patience with me as I continue to make my own transitions on my journey.
Thank you to those of you who are my most recent patrons. Thank you for valuing my words, energy, and contribution enough to support my work and give back to my ability to live and create. You really don’t know how much this means to me.
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Thank you for all your love and support. I hope you enjoy today’s “SUNRISE SALUTATION.” And please avail yourselves of the summer rates and discounts I presently have available.
As I arise on this new day, I am reminded of how much I have to be grateful for. First and foremost, I want to say thank you to all of you who gifted me and my children with your beautiful words of encouragement and fortitude following the sharing of yesterday’s post, and the two beautiful souls who donated to my ko-fi.
All support matters in all forms it is given, and I am so thankful because I truly hadn’t expected the outpouring of love.
I wrote what I wrote to be transparent because some days we need to share the wars we’re actively fighting in that are the source for the words of hope that we write on the other days. I consider myself a healer not because I am here to “save the world,” but because I’ve known what it is to have to pick myself up and out of many gutters time and time again.
I’ve learned a lot on these minor “ascensions,” and these lessons are what are assisting me in rising through this ultimate ascension event. And I will do my best to help as many (who are willing) to rise and move forward with me.
Having dealt with crippling anxiety and depression since childhood - which I only discovered much later in adulthood was due to the traumas of my family and schooling environments - I learned early how to find the proverbial “silver lining” in every day and situation.
If I hadn’t, I would have totally drowned under the weight of victimhood. And while I have thrown myself my fair share of extravagant self-pity parties, I never gave up or stopped believing that one day my life could be different. I had no idea how or where to begin at the time - only that it was possible.
My children have been a catalyst for so much of my healing. In narcississtic family systems, the scapegoat is deprived of feeling worthy of love and acceptance, They are made to feel ugly, worthless, and a scourge or stain on the “perfect” tapestry that the head narcississts in the family ring seek to weave and show off to the world.
The “golden child” is built up and fed the narcissistic parents delusions of sainthood and self-aggrandisement, and the “scapegoat” is starved and torn down by all their projected shame and self-rejection. We become the children who hold the energy of their perceived greatest wins and losses. No position is better, though to the world the “golden child” can do no wrong.
As a child, everything I ever wanted would be purposely not given to me and then gifted to my younger sister, who was the designated “golden child.” Anything I would verbally state that I liked or wanted would be bought or given to her instead. My little sister would then gloat when she recieved what I had asked for, and I would be watched for any signs of discontent, “disrespect,” or envy.
Funny thing is a lot of the time I was happy for my sister. I didn’t fully get the psychological games being played, and I often would celebrate her wins….even when they came at my own expense.
Furthermore, any time I did get something for myself, my sister would demand having access to it and if I didn’t acquiesce I would get in trouble, be called “selfish,” and my mother’s rage would be incited against me. My sister would milk my mother’s hatred for me to her advantage. And while many children would do the same and simply wouldn’t know how to do any better, this dynamic continued in adulthood with my younger sibling glorying in being the beneficiary of my suffering in our family dynamic….and knowingly so.
My mother - through these actions - wanted to really drive home the fact that I wasn’t worthy of anything good, and that anything good that did come to me was to be given away to my sister…the more “worthy” candidate.
It is one thing to be deprived of love through the unconscious actions of a parent, and another thing entirely to have a mother who deliberately seeks to maliciously crush your spirit and arrest your development.
My children made me remember that I was worthy of love, respect, and the “goodest shit.” They made me realise that I can’t hope to give anything to them that I am not first giving diligently and authentically to self. They helped me love myself back into wholeness, following the decimation caused by family abuse and a violent marriage.
No matter what valley I have found myself temporarily lost in, my children have been that light leading me back onto the path that leads to my mountain expereinces - both literally and figuratively. This love they give me so freely upset the members in my narcississitic family ring to no end. How dare ANYONE love me, and to do so genuinely?
To this day, they make me feel as though I am not worthy of my position of motherhood, and once I began to put firm boundaries up around myself and my children, it incited another family war, and once again it became all four of them (and their spouses) against me.
My narcississtic father flew in a rage when I originally refused to move back to the UK with my children, claiming that his grandfatherhood bore more weight than my motherhood in their lives. And he was so serious. Narcississts think everything and everyone are their possessions and extensions of their carefully curated appearance that they display before the world.
However, my children are not objects or bargaining tools designed to boost the wounded inflated egos of those who seek to control them. My children have in fact proven to be the proverbial “pin” that began the deflation process that is happening right now as both my parents fall into narcississtic collapse mode.
I am so proud of my daughter and son for being beacons of truth, and standing their ground in the midst of these overgrown and spoiled bullies.
Many of us think our guides are these invisible beings that exist in the ethers, but I know my babies are two of my most eminent guides and wisdom masters….and they loved me enough to come to me in the flesh.
I hope as you make your way though your day you find all those tiny things that you have to be grateful for that many overlook. And as you take notice of the small tokens that elicit your gratitude, I hope they grow and magnify into grander things to be grateful for.
May your life give you a reason to live with so much gratitude and joy that the hurt and pain of the past melts into nothing but a distant memory….leaving behind only golden wisdom that lights your way into even more love and joy.
I love you, and thank you so much for being as integral on my own healing path as I hope I have been on yours.
Wishing you a day full of memorable moments that make your heart smile!
Solarah 🩵✨
Email me at dailyalkhemy@gmail.com or solarah@solarah.info to schedule your time with me
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