SUNRISE SALUTATION #36: “I’m Good Thanks…How Are You?” | And All The Masks We Wear To Appear Like We’re Ok…When We’re Not
Early rising reflections and downloads for the new day with Solarah
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Thank you for all your love and support. I hope you enjoy today’s “SUNRISE SALUTATION.”
How are you all doing today? We ask that question of others, and we have that query directed towards us, but we seldomly do a real and honest check in before giving a perfunctory answer.
As a child, I never could get why that was. I couldn’t comprehend seeing my mother act one way in our home, and a completely different way once we exited into the world. I didn’t get why she wore, and encouraged me to wear, so many masks.
When my oldest child began school, I was carrying the full on weight of having been abandoned by my then husband, and of feeling so out of place in the company of other young families that felt so much more cohesive than mine. On the school run, other parents and teachers would ask me that question: how are you doing today?
And like everyone else, I would respond mechanically: “I’m good thanks….how are you?” Rinse. Wash. Repeat.
There were mornings I was falling apart under the weight of my sadness and neglect, but the answer left my mouth in the same way: “I’m good thanks….how are you?”
I would then hold back my tears on the walk home, until I reached the privacy of my own four walls, where I could express how un-good I actually was…profusely.
I have been made to feel ashamed of my sadness….like it is a part of me I am always supposed to hide and shield others from. I learned this as a child, and through years of struggling with depression - in a “family” that made me feel as if I was broken and worthless in my struggle. I was taught to only give the world those parts of me that were palatable, and didn’t disturb anyone else’s mask.
So, I am writing to you today from my bed. It is less of a “sunrise salutation,” and more of a note on what is happening, or not happening, as I prolong rising for the day.
I am in a state of purposeful physical purging, as I deal with the effects of decades of repressed emotions, and what that has done to my body. I write you from the throes of undertaking another liver and gallbladder flush…and all the beauty and ugliness that entails.
As a Leo Sun and Mercury, I am here to be bold in my expression. As a Cancer Venus…I have a lot to give and express emotionally. The stifling, denial and repression of my true expression was killing me slowly throughout the years. Childhood depression was the first sign of this.
When my depression escalated in my late teens, I was already being communicated this….but I didn’t quite get the memo. Instead of shifting my relationship with myself, removing myself from those who didn’t allow for me to be who I was fully, and learning how to express the wholeness of my emotional truth again, I succumbed to the pressure and temptation of medication. I came into agreement with the lie that the problem was exclusively me - not all the ways I was being suffocated, and pushed to live in boxes that were too small for who I actually was.
So, I continued that journey down the road of self-rejection, and the tempering of my expression to make myself likeable to others…who in fact didn’t even like themselves. I was never quite able to secure real love and intimacy, as I wasn’t doing that first for myself….and I wasn’t actually ever being myself. Not wholly anyway.
Throughout the years, the toll of not being who I am fully, moved from bouts of depression and anxiety into the physical, with auto-immune symptoms, digestive impairment, and nervous system aggravation. This is ultimately what led me to my professional qualifications in medical herbalism, naturopathy, and functional nutrition. I needed answers for how to recover all that I had lost…not being able to be me. Allopathic medicine had fed me nothing but fairy tales and pain.
So, this morning, I am not okay. I feel good mentally and emotionally, but I am undergoing some physical purging that is a necessary part of healing the organs I neglected, and allowed to carry burdens that I could never truly share with others.
So, I ask you today: how are you doing? How are you really doing?
It may be a good time for us to all do a check in with ourselves, and find out what every part of us is needing to feel at peace - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. This is all part of the inner child and solar plexus work too - being attentive once again to our true needs.
As for me, I am going back to bed until my children rise for their homeschooling day. I am honouring my need to rest this morning, but to also express what it is that is truly going on with me in this venue.
No more masks.
Wishing you a day where you find many hidden nuggets of gold on your path, that take you deeper into restoration and healing. May you reclaim all that was lost in those times when you didn’t feel safe to be you.
Sending bedside hugs!
Solarah 💛✨
Good morning Solarah and here is a hug to help you towards your healing today 🤗. I agree - no more masks. Speak your truth and that will encourage others to speak their own. May the rest of the day treat you gently.✨
Thank you for saying what so many go through and don't say or talk about. 🙏 Get the rest your body demands and may I say this hit close to home for me. I think this was awesome to write and talk about since we're in ptsd awareness month here in the states. Sending you love.