SUNRISE SALUTATION #108: Facing The True Monster And Opening Up To Receive "Justice"
Rising Reflections And Downloads For A New Day With Solarah
Thank you for being here today, and a very warm welcome to my newest readers and subscribers. My heart is so full seeing all the ways that we’re growing together….in spite of the fuckery.
All my messages are inspired by my daily interactions with the Sun, and my experience of the collective and planetary energies, but the wisdom is timeless.
This means that my writings and recordings can be returned to again for guidance, or listened to on a different day when the words feel more aligned with what you are experiencing personally.
Thank you for all your love and continued support. I hope you enjoy today’s “SUNRISE SALUTATION” message. It’s a long one…so grab yourself a nice beverage, or wait for the audio message to drop.
As I readied myself to write today, I found myself once again in this holding pattern during my morning meditation. I was doing battle with my self because I knew I needed to stay in that meditative space and resolve some issues I had been shown in dream state, but my commitment to getting this message out by a specific time kept pulling at my awareness too.
Even as I opted to stay in meditation and get to the bottom of what I had been shown, I felt the pressure and guilt arise from breaking rules around scheduling I had imposed upon myself. I therefore wasn’t as present because my mind was overrun by my still skewed perceptions around timing, schedules and commitments.
When I checked in on the astrology of today and saw that Venus had entered Scorpio overnight, the agitation made more sense to me. We have embarked upon a new journey, in which we will be charged to open ourselves deeper into the awareness of buried issues in our hearts that are still in need of our care and attention.
As I began my daily meditative journey in the early hours, I felt myself clearing densities and connecting to the higher ways of thinking and feeling that such clearance opened me up to. I entered into a state of bliss, and permitted for my self to just stay there in that moment. It wasn’t long before I drifted into a light sleep, and I also allowed for myself to go there.
As I teetered in a profound sense of soul satisfaction, I allowed myself to dream, but where I was taken disturbed my spirit and pulled me into a lower emotional state, which ultimately disturbed the work of my previous meditation. I set to work diving in and trying to figure out what it meant, and why I had been transported in such a way to something so disturbing.
It was then I realised that I was being given an opportunity to see what I was still holding in my own heart that was barring me out of the ability to hold that blissful state effortlessly. My soul was showing me what I had to face and contend if I wanted to maintain the state of bliss that meditation had brought me into in real time.
If any of you have been with me on my Substack journey for a minute, you will know that I come from a narcississtic abusive family system, in which I was designated the main scapegoat. In my choice to heal and move away from every narrative they placed upon me, and that I allowed for myself to believe in and manifest, I have had to go to war - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and in real time confrontations too.
It has taken me years of commitment to myself and utilising the power of ritual, energy clearing, and deep spiritual work to clear myself of the wounds, sicknesses, and mental programs I had adopted, after being abused and used as a container for other people’s shame and repressed shadows.
My mother was my main torturer as a child, and the one who ran the overall energy and nature of abuse in our family system. She was also a victim of childhood abuse, that she was never able to properly acknowledge and heal, and so transferred this legacy to her three girls - with me being the largest receptacle for her self-hate and unresolved vitriol for her abusers.
For years, my mother would show up in my dream space, and administer the same kind of torture inflicted upon me throughout the years. I would be severly triggered in the dreamspace and want to speak out, but I would have no voice. Earlier on, I would even be blinded in dream space - able to discern it was her, but unable to see her face when it came time to stand up for myself.
If you know anything about spell work and how people try to cloak what they are enacting against you, you may recognise that my inability to see her in the dream was indeed a kind of a cloaking spell. And while I am not here to get involved in conversations on whether this had been done intentionally or not, I cannot deny that it was a large feature of my nightmares with her up until this year.
As I began to stand up to her in waking life, and no longer consent to the lies she needed me to ingest and manifest in order to keep her false story alive, my nightmares began to shift accordingly. I was able to push past the blindness to see her face and what was happening, and I was finally able to speak again - without my voice suddenly being muted.
This morning, as I allowed myself to enter into dream state from the bliss my meditation had invoked, I was taken to a scene in my now. In the dream, my privacy and boundaries were once again being violated….and without real reason, other than to incite agitation in my soul, and usurp upon the little peace I have fought tooth and nail to have, quite literally.
If you know anything about narcississtic abuse and the games they play with their targets, then you’ll be aware that they often like to purposely do something that appears innocent, but they know that that very thing is what will upset and disturb their victim profoundly because they’ve groomed them into these triggers by way of their previous abuse.
When you’re dealing with a mother-child scenario, this tactic is even more insidious and wearing on the soul. Who else knows your triggers better than the one who literally wounded and conditioned you into having said triggers?
Anyway, the dream rolled out with her doing something really petty to invade my and my children’s privacy in the one room in our present living situation where we have any peace. In the dream, she had roped my father into it too, but he was oblivious to what he was doing, or what it actually meant, until I brought it to his attention.
After, I called out her behaviour for what it was - breaking the gagging and muting mechanism to relay this to my father - he seemed to just disappear from the space….and it was just me and her. I launch in on her yelling and telling her everything she did to me in childhood that she consistently denied and didn’t want me to remember.
At one point, I pick her up and pin her against a wall and stare deep into her eyes and tell her everything she did to me that she gaslit me for, and made me hold in my fields, as if I, an innocent child, was the appropriate one to blame for what her abusers essentially did to her. At this point, I realise I’m not staring into the eyes of my mother, but some kind of creature with golden eyes and brown pupils. It was the body of my mother, but I knew those weren’t her eyes.
In my dream, this being was still powerful, but she was clearly weakened by my looking her in the eyes and telling her the truth. I left her on the ground and woke up really disturbed by the whole scenario. What upset me the most was the anger I felt flowing through me in dream state. It was absolutely justifiable, and I make no apologies for its expression, and I am proud of myself for taking such a protective and agressive stance in the dream state. I was actually only upset in real time because I thought I had transmuted so much of what was coming up.
I immediately set to work and began conversing with my soul about what it all actually meant. I refused to transmute it, deny it, ignore, it, or allow for it to steal the peace and bliss I had just entered into. And this is what I began to see.
Amongst many things, the dream was giving me the opportunity to stare into the eyes of the one from which this legacy of abuse stemmed from. I set about calling back all my power from the genesis point - from the one who opened the cycle and legacy that had been handed down across generations, until it was finally given to me by my own mother.
I realised that every woman in her line who continued this legacy did so because they had no other way to get justice for the ways they had been tortured and abused. The transfer to their own children was how they eased the burden of a weight handed to them that they had no idea how to contunue holding with the lack of any clear justice.
And when I speak of justice, I am not talking about vengeance. I am referring to the cause and effect in any scenario and the consequences we must each face for our own choices. Abusers constantly get away with their violence, leaving ther vivtims to pay for karma that isn’t theirs….and it is a heavy load to carry that only the one responsible should be made to bear.
And this isn’t to excuse the choice and free will we all have to interrupt and stop the legacy and the cycle, but this is to point out that if we want to be free from the karmic legacies passed on through family lines, our real and true fight has to be with the one(s) who opened the Pandora’s box to begin with - not just the “mules” that subsequently carried their requests across timelines.
So, this morning I took all the anger and vitriol which still was hiding out in my own heart, and I turned it into a bomb. I then sent it to the original cycle that was opened by the first person in my mother’s line who opened us all up to these abusive cycles. I sent this anger bomb to the foundation and matrix of the cycle….not the human offender. I watched the original seed and seed point disintegrate entirely. I cast out the entities that had been feeding upon the despair produced — commanding them back to their own borders, or to Source for their justice.
Afterwards, I summoned the tools and resources that each one of these ancestors needed to heal the wounds, that they only passed on because of their own lack of justice in the aftermath of abuse. I sent it to each and every one of them to receive as they wish, and on their own terms. I then gifted my mother with her own box of tools to liberate her out of the cycle, and I dissolved all cords still seeking to cling to my children and I in the interest of repeating such a violent legacy.
And then I went and cuddled with both my children, and repented for any way in which I have transferred my own anger and vitriol to them because of the lack of justice received for every time I’ve been abused, violated, discarded, scapegoated, and used. I lingered with my daughter a little longer because she has been the chief holder of this legacy out of my two children.
And I sent both of my children their own box of tools to find their way out of any residual energies that are a result of this false legacy designed to detsroy and steal their innocence and right to proper justice.
Only after doing this was I ready to sit down and write. And as I pulled up today’s chart and saw Venus sitting in Scorpio at zero degrees, everything I had gone through in the morning began to make sense, and I knew this message was also for some of you.
So, as Venus contines her journey through Scorpio, and Mars makes his way through Cancer, may you also be able to look into the eyes of the monsters truly responsible for your toughest cycles and struggles. May you then access the compassion you need to put an end to their reign by destroying the energy at its foundation and root. May you see yourself in the monster too, and judge from a vantage point of love instead of moral superiority.
My mother and I are not destined to have a relationship as I move into my higher timelines with my children. However, I do want to exit out of our karmic contract with love and respect for who she is, her own struggle, and the fact that we are actually just different sides of the same coin.
I hope she finds the peace and justice denied to her by those who have done her wrong. I hope she heals and recovers all that was lost and stolen from her in her timelines too.
I hope we all find higher levels of peace and restitution as we embark on this season of justice.
Asé
I hope your mother, at some point, recognises the magnanimity of that blessing. You have exited in the most gracious manner. Sending you so much love. 💫✨
So many points of synchronicity for me as well. That’s a helpful exercise I will take to heart. In not my next episode but the one after that, I discuss how a lack of justice is the seed of insanity that makes perpetrators think perpetrating is acceptable. Because if their abuser got away with it, it must be okay, right? So interesting. Thank you!